A few days ago I needed to get some gas after work when I saw a man walking the lot with a baby in his arms. He approached my car and asked if I had some money for gas, as he and his family (middle eastern immigrants) did not have enough to cover. I gave him some cash I had and he went about asking additional people at the station. As everyone passed on the idea, I watched while his wife wiped tears from her eyes and the man himself lowered his head after a recent gas-station patron said no.
After I went to "alleviate" the situation for them, on my drive home I couldn't help but think... This dude fucking duped me.
What is your breaking point? How do you deal with it or prevent it altogether? I have been painfully thinking about this a lot. We all obviously have differing thresholds spawning from trauma presented in our lives at some point or another in this crazy universe but can you genuinely tell when the wheels are about to fall off? Or is it a matter of not being able to tell till its too late and you're reminded... "Pete, what the SHIT are you doing?"
Loans, work, societal mistrusts, relationships both platonic and romantic - sometimes all it takes is one or a culmination of the avenues to trigger you into a downward spiral that scares me just thinking about it. I am known for my spirals and I legitimately fell into this idea of this family's entire illusion of acting like they cannot afford gas just to hoard gallons for the apocalypse. But as you fall out of control, do you seek professional help? Phone a friend? Talk to your emotional support pet or rock?
Therapy is the approved approach and in many ways that is the professional help you need. Even when you can't afford it, there are still affordable alternatives. Can you keep the wheels on however without speaking to a paid or "covered" professional?
I have this belief that when the wheels fall off, you are the most human that you will ever be in your life. The rawness of vulnerability, when acknowledged, embraced, and worked through, is one of the most beautiful evolutions of human behavior one can feel and witness. It is also the most painful to accept in order to grow but once through the wall, allows one to have one of the freshest perspectives of life.
This cyclical bullshit comes and goes constantly in your life. It is a gift and a curse. It is a given that everyone needs a good cry at least once a year to cleanse the soul, it is just unfortunately fortunate that my emotions take me through that a few times a year.
My last year in LA has been a build of wanting to capitalize on my inaugural year of success but I admit its hard. I admit I think I am failing daily. Trying to remain creative and positive while launching a company and simultaneously dealing with some of the most broken people in the world for a paycheck, is tasking. It is normal though, right? It is life. You should stress about work. You should stress about wanting to be better professionally, platonically, romantically, and individually. It gets down though to the line you draw for success. That creation of the foundation that your vehicle in this crazy universe will take you on. Can you get through the bumps and obstacles in the world as you keep building for the future? Can you even avoid one or all of the wheels falling off?
You absolutely can.... You know what you are doing wrong. You know what you need to do to help.
That is where I am at. I am more than aware of my shortcomings, despite already being 5'7. I know I just have to reel in my thoughts and properly prioritize and allocate my time and effort to maximize the best possible me for the universe. I think I am just at that turning point where I need to realize I should slow down and focus. I can do this and so can you if you're feeling like you're making wrong decisions at every turn.
Breathe. Talk it out to yourself or even a companion pet. Write shit down. Your journey will continue.
The Journey Continues...