I don't know how to read the universe quite yet. I can see progress with my ability to read people but that is it...Well kind of with people. I have been burnt a few times this year by friends and have made cuts quickly. I ended a relationship to save two completely different life paths, you don't think i'll drop a friend? But I have been burnt and yet I still see those as relatively decent progressions in life as I have begun to truly start to understand people, but the universe.... that I believe is still the biggest cocktease of them all.
I've felt this fight or flight moment burning lately and my anxiety has been through the fucking roof. It is funny that it has risen as I approach a year. I mean lets be honest, it is a given. Of course you're going to evaluate your entire year after you just left shit without any real closure.
Is it still worth it?....
Are You Really Growing As A Human Being?....
As this new war began to explode within my mind, I think the universe greeted me with a glimpse a few days back.... not of a future per say but of a comfort. Like a Mufasa/Simba everything the light touches moment...Except I wasn't with my dad. He is still a dick. But it was just this moment where I was overlooking the wide array of Los Angeles city lights and as I exhaled I felt comfort in knowing this was the right choice. It was a reminder of not only growth but what is yet to be explored.
It began as a random exploration of Hollywood Hills homes. What I would give to just start off my next life as a dog to a rich family living there. Not new tech money, I am talking F-U old generations implanted there type money. But that is the next lifetime. Anyway, what started as superficial bullshit, ranting on home prices, careers making money and degrees of separation to people able to afford houses like this, the conversation dwindled down to a random moment that set just enough time of silence and reflection.
As a I rounded a death-defying turn in the 2 feet wide road, the collective made the decision....I just want a roof. Not a roof in these hills, just a roof.. and for that moment, it seemed a silent appreciation for what we had came over us all as we began to overlook the hills into the vast city lights.
I don't know what was said in the conversation that followed...I just stayed in the moment. Staring at each individual light as if it was a glimpse into a scene from my last year...and rather than look at it glass half empty, I saw the extension of lights as moments yet to come, yet to be explored.
I know this existential crisis seems like a fun shtick but I don't know... I really do not know. I know I want to be happy with my place in how this world works and I know that in order to do that, I have to surround myself with like minded people. As I said, I am getting the people part down, its the place in the world, the universe, that is still ever alluding. This moment gave me an opportunity though to really feel like I am in the right spot. This seems like a fight moment but everything is on the right path. Just follow all of the lights.
The Journey Continues...