Friend: Dude I am gonna be in LA this weekend. Its been FOREVER lets grab a drink. *BLAH* and I are expecting a boy, figured we could celebrate!
Me: ......*mind begins to spiral*.... fuck.
--- You see over a year ago, he and I were having drunken conversations about eventually being parents, raising kids to be future socialites. What I never let him know was that it just was going to be with a different hand. Don't get me wrong - While I am still still stoked for him, I firmly believe I made the right decision for my ex and her quest to get the family she always wanted. It just wasn't going to be with me and we're both grateful for that! That was one of the issues alone, friends all having kids and so society seemingly putting the pressure to make it happen in relationships much soon than expected. Then the whole, "Don't worry, we'll figure out where we stand in our relationship AFTER we produce a spawn..." yeah makes sense.
Anyway - I ended up going out for drinks with my friend and he was on cloud 9 about being an eventual father and I was proud. Personally, I would love to have that feeling of my own at some point but is it too much to want to share it with someone you can be a true friend with? Does that exist? I didn't take any of the evening from him and let him go from baby names to what the boys major in college should be.
But in my drunken stupor back to my place, I questioned if I have been fucking up this "dating" thing.
First: I don't "date". I make it known that I am not looking to settle down right now but with time permitting, I am cool to hang out. If it is fun for us both, we can see each other try to do it more. I meet people on random dating apps, I chat, crack a joke about liking to make out, give it a try and if we have sex, we have sex. If not, it is cool. The conversation alone is always interesting. I know entering any evening that we both want some form of companionship- but majority of the time, this dating app bullshit is like a lets try to fuck and see where it goes.
It has been over a year since I have been in an "official" relationship and it has been liberating in a sense. Exploring myself, seeing what I truly enjoy in a partner. From one night stands to, if I am being honest, friends with benefits. Sometimes you just realize there isn't necessarily anything romantic but the sex is good. So why not get a workout in?
I get into an issue however at times because I also have single friends that are attractive and as I have gotten to know them, I would probably throw in an actual date when cups would eventually be full. I would at least hook up. How do you let them know that though? Do you let them know that?
"Hey, our friendship is cool. I think you are an awesome person and I actually really enjoy the conversation. I also totally think we've totoally just spent the night flirting. So if you would ever want to hook up, I am down. If not, no worries - you see that new movie?"
One thing during the last year that I have learned is to separate relationship points when you want them and keep an eye out for the one that connects them all - These work for both physical and romantic relationships. You see, I want an eventual partner that I can connect with - Emotionally, Intellectually, Spiritually, and of course Physically. A best friend and/or a lover will hit all of these. Most of the time people hit individual marks and its cool to just have a day dedicated those individually. But full cup is the big picture, no?
Maybe its the impatience of life that kills me and I am stuck with the question of whether I am doing the right thing. I want to treat people with love & respect. I also don't want to feel like I lead someone on but I believe its a true service to move forward in dating with someone that you're on the same page with. I've spent my life finding shortcuts and excuses for relationships, all revolving around, 'We'll sort this out later."
But our climate IS weird. I don't want someone willing to drop everything to spend time with me, especially when I just met you. I look at cultivating some friendship as a possible relationship because I want you to know I am not fun to be around all the time. I want us to be okay to disagree. I want you to have your own friends and opinions. And if the universe is willing, and we've spent time together figuring out that through our own individual lives, there are emotional, intellectual, and spiritual vibes connecting us - then why not take a shot and be okay if it doesn't work out? Does the physical part mean thats the last connecting factor to figure out whether something is real?
....the search continues