I received a call from my family today saying..... Your nephew just asked if XX has "finger blasted" anyone lately and he said he heard it from you. Now follow up question: how do you respond back? I'll help.
I laughed, hysterically. Do I know that the term isn't necessarily an endearing one? Yes. But I also know that if you use the words 'Finger Blasted' in a sentence, it is bound to get another listen. Which is why I used it in the first place.
This time last year I flew my nephew out for a week long bonding trip in LA. One day driving home we started talking about girls and he was being quite shy, so I said something absolutely ridiculous.....
"So you finger blasting any ladies yet?"
We both erupted into laughter... I - a 29 year old tv exec who spends more time googling odd animal videos than talking to my family and he, a 13 year old feral Georgian child who's battling hormones in a world where he has already been gifted a few shitty cards.
He was actually the little gentleman and said that he hadn't gotten that far with a girl yet. He did kiss them. That slick little Casanova. This wasn't a pervy play though this was a moment of the "talk" ... but probably not what people would have imagined.
I asked him then if he knew how to treat a woman. "Like say good things to her?," he replied. It was a great start and I felt fortunate for the easy parlay....So I went into what I learned from my three sisters, one of them being his mother.
"Love & Respect" I said...... Love & Respect. My sisters would drill that into my head. Question me in public. Torture me. It was odd but also nothing in a negative sense. This was all positively reinforced.
I poorly added a little and said when you like-like em, treat them like the humans that you want to have rooted in your life.
- This isn't Stockholm Syndrome, keep them caged type rooted. Live ya'll's lives. Rooted in being able to be a homie. I see too many relationships where the partners don't even feel like friends - just morphed compliments of specific things they originally had in common off the first swipe.
Our conversation though evolved into relationships, platonic and romantic, the positives and the negatives, even answering questions of my own formed and failed engagement with my previous partner.
"Finger Blast" - if I am being oddly honest - was used to propel a conversation into somewhat of a teaching moment that one one would hope helps usher in a change in masculinity. A use of absurdity to garner the attention for cause. An understanding that you can be a little weird and off in conversation but it can still be utilized to open doors into understanding how people work.
So when I heard my nephew used the term - finger blasted - I admit I was at first slightly mortified. When I heard then that it was in context of his first real conversation with a same sex couple, I was kind of proud.
This 13 year old white kid from Georgia. Who uses the F word no one in the LGBTQ community . wants a conversation to hear. Was introduced to his first conversation about a family member and her girlfriend. HOW would you think those stats would play out?
As this legend goes, he was accepting, and the question was that of adult nature and teen curiosity. "So have you finger blasted her yet?" he asked. It wasn't meant in a rude way. It was conversational. It was with someone he felt was rooted in his life. It was used in a way to propel a conversation into a teaching moment where he was able to learn more about women, about a culture, and coming from a state (Georgia) that already won't take the time to listen.
So do I still have some teaching moments I need to work on and refine before deciding to start a family of my own, yes. Absolutely. I couldn't agree more. But do I feel like I justify my Fun Uncle Potential.....as my nephew would say... BET.
The Journey Continues....