Pisces is the sign of an emotional bitch.

I am a Pisces. 

I have been trying to figure out how to go about this for a few days, especially since Spotify released their "Playlist by Astrological Sign" bs. Of course in my attempt to read the universe, I find myself dabbling in the occasional snake oil, here is your horoscope type shit. However as I listened to the songs, they were all guttural love ballads about heartbreak and self-reflection. Honestly...I was hoping for some titty rap or sweet PCH driving high tunes. Instead I got couples scare(py). 

It made sense though that the universe would bless my ears with this emotional kick. I made it a point in 2019 to take dating a bit more serious and I honestly can't tell whether it is going to plan or not. Though the mantra has been - "few dates a week?" - I found myself last week completely bailing because I found work and my own peace of mind worth more than either evenings conversation. Does that make me cunt?    *To note* I did not ghost. 

Dating in general has been going well. At least the conversations have been better than IG Photoshoots and hearing about time at Drais. Substance on the world, equality, depth of human consciousness, societal trends, and mental health - essentially conversations built down a rabbit hole. I find myself drawn to it. To a good story. I think that is the eventual partner I am looking for. Someone that I would prefer to have a long conversation with while the world around us crashes and burns.

I guess to the exact point - "I am seeking a friend for the end of the world."

I still feel when it comes to compatibility however that I stand by my checklist.

Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Spiritual.

I think every date - you evaluate someone based on all four. Unless of course you just want to get laid - then we are just aiming for one. But if you are trying to lock down a partner, at least for myself, I'd like all four - which isn't much to ask for,  no?

LA dating.. maybe dating in general - people prefer the immediate. I wish I could tell every date- "I was previously engaged a few years back so I am not trying to wife you up tomorrow. But if you want to just wait this wave out like two consenting adults, it'll be filled with a ton of laughing till we eventually agree to be ride or die... if of course we fit."

Its not like that. A song & dance has to ensue and majority want the other person to view the best possible shell of them. 

This is where my emphasis on Intellectual and Emotional connection come in. The ability to talk, reach depths, be vulnerable, and feel comfortable. It is a rarity in this town, especially dating. Both sexes rock the spectrum, Women act like either injured fawns or stone queens while Men, run the route of tortured souls or high end exec. All include depths as deep as a puddles. The surface level disaster is a trick into crutch and majority of the time, one individual falls into some complacency because of the "hero" the other partner happens to be....fuck that. Two full cups.

I ramble because this is where the emotional Pisces shit comes in I guess. The closer it comes to being back in Hollywood, the more I realize the enjoyment a companion would be but I stay reserved. I think I am just tired of the dance. I want a conversation about revolution over a blunt while sitting outside one evening in Hollywood. To be able to unleash a vent about family stress and shortcomings. To feel empowered talking goals and work. And yeah.... sex like the last two people in the world would be cool too. We'll see how Hollywood round two goes.

The journey continues...