Doubt It.

Coming out of the workation has given me a bit of a kick. Its like one of those mornings after a night of just raw, unadulterated, sex....except well, I am fully clothed, alone, waking up to the sultry jazz sounds of Theolonius Monk. Thank me later for that recommendation. But I really am entering this week with a bit of, and I repeat, a kick.... 

You see,  I spent the last week actually enjoying things in LA without as much of a focus on work. I was able to escape into my mind without the immediate stressors of tomorrow... I will be honest, there is no such thing as a work/home balance in this industry, truly. I write this site with complete vomit spewing from my finger tips as I take another drag of this joint... but I have stopped 4 times alone for an email, 2 calls, and an absolute need for a pot of coffee. I digress, "workation" was a nice feeling.

I've spent the last year really just telling myself "Work, Learn, Self-Care, Repeat"  - All of this leading to the culmination of hopefully a more fulfilling relationship within my family,  more of an ability to help, and a shot at a true legacy. The work and family time sound counterproductive, don't look too deep into it.  Anyhoo, I am fortunate that things took off early, humbled me quickly, and are now moving into smoother and more progressive transitions.  Its been because of this past year's cycle however that my doubt has been at an all-time high. 

When it comes to work, I can quietly label myself as a development exec and writer. Its great for bar banter in a city filled with the same thing. Pure cynicism here.  

But as I took some time to slow down this last week I felt everything finally kind of balance.....I doubted being in LA. I am here. I doubted my career. I am pro when it comes to it. I doubted myself as a human being. Still learning... but I do believe I have a better understanding.

As the year closes I feel like I am at this moment.....Where despite asking the Universe for some shit time-to-time and it never necessarily panning out..I realize the moves were minor in the grand scheme of it all. Now standing in front of me is this milestone of the bigger picture and rather than shy away or doubt that I should be here,  I am just grateful for the Universe, God, Yahweh, the higher power that be. Maybe it is the projection of the want. Maybe it is Karma. I know though that it could all be taken away from me in a hearbeat. I feel like that is always the slight doubt that must keep anyone driven. I just pray the continued paths in this crazy life introduce me to beautifully benevolent souls along the way..... 

The Journey Continues....